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People at Seattle University are dicks

May 14, 2010

Some dumbass at their newspaper wrote this:

10. It has an ugly website

  • False

9. It’s in Milwaukee

  • Which is awesome? It’s sunny here. There isn’t a giant cloud of smug hanging over Milwaukee like there is in Seattle. Seriously, Seattle’s only exports are Kurt Cobain and overpriced Latte. The city hasn’t been relevant since the Real World was filmed there or when Ken Griffey Jr. left. Who cares if he came back? he’s old and broken now.

8. It’s in Wisconsin

  • Yeah and if it wasn’t for our back up quarterback, the Seahawks would be f-ing irrelevant too. Jesus, I’ve never been to Seattle but I can only imagine it has to be like East Side hipsters and Madison Hipsters on Steroids and I’d rather shoot myself than experience 5 minutes of that. Even people from San Fransisco think Seattle is “too gay.”

7. Crime in Marquette’s neighborhood makes Capitol Hill look like Disneyland

  • ehh. But the fact you made a crack at a city 2700 miles  (and in turn another Jesuit university) away makes you people look like bigger dicks. Besides, how did you not utilize this to make a VERY dated Dahlmer reference?

6. Fr. Sundborg is way more hip than Fr. Wild

  • How dare you? Robert Wild once won the 1982 NBA Slam Dunk contest. He made Chris Farley (an addict). Father Wild is a God Damn Saint!

5. Jodi O’Brien doesn’t work there

  • Yeah, we’re pretty cool with that.

4. The Midwest doesn’t know how to make coffee

  • Two words: Berres Brothers. Two More words: Brew Bayou. One more word: Alterra.

3. Redhawks eat Golden Eagles for breakfast

  • Really? Seattle U has an athletic program?  Me, Father Wild and a Paraplegic Dwyane Wade could beat whatever assclowns you recruit. Because we’d be coached by Buzz  Freakin Williams. When is the last time Seattle U has had a player drafted in the NBA? Answer: 1980. MU will play Seattle U during the 09-10 season and Seattle will learn that the Redhawks are just the Golden Eagles bitches.

2. If you think C-Street is bad, try eating their food

  • Food Wars came here. Soblemans vs AJ Bombers (two great burger joints). Also Pizza Shuttle, AmericanEuros Durango Grille, Brick3, Streeza, and MORE BARS PER CAPITA THAN ANYWHERE ELSE IN THE DAMN WORLD!

1. Did we mention it’s in Wisconsin?

  • Did we mention Fuck off?
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