Does This Mean a Zack Attack Reunion Tour?

August 3, 2009

The “Saved By the Bell” reunion, as well as my ability to watch TBS West, means I’ve been able to fulfill a Saved by the Bell hole in me that has been present since Adult Swim stopped airing the show in 2006.

If there was a show that misled my generation about high school would be like, Saved by the Bell was it. The 2nd grade debates I had with my friends over who was Zack and who was AC (I was Zack), and then also arguing over which girl was Lisa, Kelly, and Jessie took up most of our time at the lunch table.

However, as time went on, I learned that Saved by the Bell was nothing like high school, my schemes never worked, I wasn’t in literally every activity, and of course that whole girl situation was much more complicated. I did date a cheerleader, but that was another problem all together.

Once I was able to watch the show again during its brief stint on Adult Swim, I was able to analyze the show in a different manner: the political aspect. With a few friends, we came up with the political affiliation of the six main characters of the show.

Zack: total Reagan Republican, hell of a capitalist. I think he embodied everything that was important about 1980s Republicanism (minus the blow). I’m sure Zack is a good tax-hating American like we all should be.

Kelly: Democrat. She had that whole “I can’t see why everyone just can’t get along” vibe. She also seemed to imply at points that her family wasn’t as rich as others. Her Dad was probably a Union Dem or something like that.

AC Slater: Republican. Probably a Neo-Con too. With the military upbringing he was probably strongly pro-war/military and disagrees with Democrats.

Jessie: Femi-Nazi. She probably thinks that Obama is too far to the right and Nancy Pelosi is a moderate.

Lisa: Country Club Republican. She’s a Republican because “Daddy made a lot of money during the Reagan years” and she’d never want to give that up.

Screech: Probably an environmentalist wacko. I’m sure since he was shit on by the rest of the group he started ELFs and went all John Hinckley to impress Lisa.

A few other things about Saved By The Bell I think are worth mentioning:

Concerning the real Saved By The Bell reunion, I’m sure that Screech wasn’t invited because he’s become a total dick, and makes sleazy porn, and Dennis Haskins wasn’t invited because no one thought he was still alive (I had to wiki him to confirm he is among the living).

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I deny that the gang (minus Jessie and Lisa) went to Cal U (ie The College Years). Thus Zack went to Yale after getting 1500 on his SATs, Slater went to Iowa on his wrestling scholarship and a lucrative as a C-list star, Lisa went to New York for fashion design, Screech went on to need years of therapy, and Jessie became a whore in Las Vegas. Wait, two of those actually happened (well, one and a half).

I will also take a moment to say that in hindsight Lisa Turtle was the most attractive of those three girls. Yeah, I know you all are going to argue for Kelly, but I disagree. This will be the first of many times when I declare my love for a (semi) famous girl and hoping that said girl reads this post and finds herself falling madly in love with me (Meghan McCain, you’re next).

Did anyone watch Saved by the Bell: The New Class? And why did it take them all 7 years to graduate?

Also what happened to Tori? Did the rest of the group just ditch her during the series finale?


One comment

  1. You missed the best part. Assuming somehow all their future film adventures tie-in to the show…Who would have pegged Zach as becoming a cop? Seriously, he went NYPD Blue on your ass or something.

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